The Shopping Gene

So, here I am sitting at work feeling quite inadequate at being a girl. I just crammed in a bunch of knitting to a boring night of nothing. Thank goodness because my projects unfortunately won't knit themselves. I ran out of yarn (more at home) to finish the sleeve of a sweater that I have been working on for far too long. Long enough that the sweater has it's own To Do list....It's that bad. I am still hoping that I will be able to finish it and the crocheted edging (did I mention I don't really know how to crochet) before I come to Oregon, in just a couple short weeks.

I am hoping to wear it to a graduation ceremony (and that's if it fits at all....yikes!) on June 16th along with a skirt and heels that I don't own.... I am not sure when I will find the time to go shopping, but I have no choice. I am backed into a corner with no where to go. My closet holds nothing worth wearing and those things that are "wearable" I have owned since college. Considering my last birthday catapulted me into my thirties and I graduated at the 22, it's a pretty sorry state of affairs. Aimee (a born shopper) would agree with me when I say, I completely lack the shopping gene. It's as though it is passed down through generations and it completely skipped over me.

You see, my mom is quite the shopper- a Bargain shopper to be exact. Too many Christmas holidays have involved me opening a present with a crinkled up expression on my face as my mother exclaims "Isn't it great. It was only $7.00!" Finally after the 10th Christmas in a row of yet another gift not even worth returning for the dinero, I am to the point of saying "I can see why."

I can't stand it really- shopping that is. I haven't bought clothes for myself since January of 2005 (that is NOT a typo). Oh wait, I had the 10 minute "shopping spree in Old Navy in April in which I purchased 2 t-shirts for $15 because I needed something to wear while visiting friends and didn't bring along the right clothing, but I don't think that can count. I spent less than it costs to fill my econo car with a tank of gas and I literally spent less time in the store than you do standing by the pump filling said tank of gas.

Some people have a shopping addiction. Maybe some could say the shopping gene is linked to the addiction. I on the other hand, completely lack the gene, thus have no chance of being addicted. Well maybe for yarn but not for clothing for myself, unless it's clothing I have to make on my own...Sure I am addicted to sugar. I have a quadruple dose of that gene, but not the one that allows me to go out and buy clothes that I will only like for a few months, that is if I can find anything I like to fit my 5'1" frame. It would be one thing if I was a 5'1" Eva Longoria body double, but alas I come from good German peasant stock...you can make your own deduction. Tread lightly please.

I digress. Why can't clothes that work great with those you knit suddenly appear in your closet? I don't even mind paying for them, I just can't get my self together enough to go in and out of stale dressing rooms. I have too many memories of my mother attempting to get into the dressing room where I am wearing ill fitted jeans and crying my eyes out.

Please keep the pity at bay. I am sure not everyone loves shopping. I can't be the only one. Straight men don't typically like shopping for clothes, unless they are metrosexual...So maybe I am a man trapped in a woman's body who likes to knit and is in love with a wonderful manly man. Would that make me a gay man? I guess I would have to be a non-stereotypical gay man because of the whole shopping thing....Is there such a thing?